Lipstick in School -- Priceless!!

I don't know how true this is but it's worth the laugh!!!

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then there are educators.

100 Best Things About Being Pinoy

FROM the 1896 Revolution to the first Philippine Republic, the Commonwealth period, the EDSA Revolt, and the tiger cub economy, history marches on. Thankfully, however, some things never change. Like the classics, things irresistibly Pinoy mark us for life. They're the indelible stamp of our identity, the undeniable affinity that binds us like twins. They celebrate the good in us, the best of our culture and the infinite possibilities we are all capable of. Some are so self-explanatory you only need mention them for fellow Pinoys to swoon or drool. Here, from all over this Centennial-crazed country and in no particular order, are a hundred of the best things that make us unmistakably Pinoy.

1. Merienda. Where else is it normal to eat five times a day?
2. Sawsawan. Assorted sauces that guarantee freedom of choice, enough room for experimentation and maximum tolerance for diverse tastes. Favorites: toyo't calamansi, suka at sili, patis.
3. Kuwan, ano. At a loss for words? Try these and marvel at how Pinoys understand exactly what you want.
4. Pinoy humor and irreverence. If you're api and you know it, crack a joke. Nothing personal, really.
5. Tingi. Thank goodness for small entrepreneurs. Where else can we buy cigarettes, soap, condiments and life's essentials in small affordable amounts?
6. Spirituality. Even before the Spaniards came, ethnic tribes had their own anitos, bathalas and assorted deities, pointing to a strong relationship with the Creator, who or whatever it may be.
7. Po, opo, mano po. Speech suffixes that define courtesy, deference, filial respect--a balm to the spirit in these aggressive times.
8. Pasalubong. Our way of sharing the vicarious thrills and delights of a trip, and a wonderful excuse to shop without the customary guilt.
9. Beaches! With 7,000 plus islands, we have miles and miles of shoreline piled high with fine white sand, lapped by warm waters, and nibbled by exotic tropical fish. From the stormy seas of Batanes to the emerald isles of Palawan--over here, life is truly a beach.
10. Bagoong. Darkly mysterious, this smelly fish or shrimp paste typifies the underlying theme of most ethnic foods: disgustingly unhygienic, unbearably stinky and simply irresistible.
11. Bayanihan. Yes, the internationally-renowned dance company, but also this habit of pitching in still common in small communities. Just have that cold beer and some pulutan ready for the troops.
12. The Balikbayan box. Another way of sharing life's bounty, no matter if it seems like we're fleeing Pol Pot every time we head home from anywhere in the globe. The most wonderful part is that, more often than not, the contents are carted home to be distributed.
13. Pilipino komiks. Not to mention "Hiwaga," "Aliwan," "Tagalog Classics," "Liwayway" and"Bulaklak" magazines. Pulpy publications that gave us Darna, Facifica Falayfay, Lagalag, Kulafu, Kenkoy, Dyesebel, characters of a time both innocent and worldly.
14. Folk songs. They come unbidden and spring, full blown, like a second language, at the slightest nudge from the too-loud stereo of a passing jeepney or tricycle.
15. Fiesta. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow is just another day, shrugs the poor man who, once a year, honors a patron saint with this sumptuous, no-holds-barred spread. It's a Pinoy celebration at its pious and riotous best.
16. Aswang, manananggal, kapre. The whole underworld of Filipino lower mythology recalls our uniquely bizarre childhood, that is, before political correctness kicked in. Still, their rich adventures pepper our storytelling.
17. Jeepneys. Colorful, fast, reckless, a vehicle of postwar Pinoy ingenuity, this Everyman's communal cadillac makes for a cheap, interesting ride. If the driver's a daredevil (as they usually are), hang on to your seat.
18. Dinuguan. Blood stew, a bloodcurdling idea, until you try it with puto. Best when mined with jalape쨚 peppers. Messy but delicious.
19. Santacruzan. More than just a beauty contest, this one has religious overtones, a tableau of St. Helena's and Constantine's search for the Cross that seamlessly blends piety, pageantry and ritual. Plus, it's the perfect excuse to show off the prettiest ladies--and the most beautiful gowns.
20. Balut. Unhatched duck's embryo, another unspeakable ethnic food to outsiders, but oh, to indulge in guilty pleasures! Sprinkle some salt and suck out that soup, with gusto.
21. Pakidala. A personalized door-to-door remittance and delivery system for overseas Filipino workers who don't trust the banking system, and who expect a family update from the courier, as well.
22. Choc-nut. Crumbly peanut chocolate bars that defined childhood ecstasy before M & M's and Hershey's.
23. Kamayan style. To eat with one's hand and eschew spoon, fork and table manners--ah, heaven.
24. Chicharon. Pork, fish or chicken crackling. There is in the crunch a hint of the extravagant, the decadent and the pedestrian. Perfect with vinegar, sublime with beer.
25. Pinoy hospitality. Just about everyone gets a hearty "Kain tayo!" invitation to break bread with whoever has food to share, no matter how skimpy or austere it is.
26. Adobo, kare-kare, sinigang and other lutong bahay stuff. Home-cooked meals that have the stamp of approval from several generations, who swear by closely-guarded cooking secrets and family recipes.
27. Lola Basyang. The voice one heard spinning tales over the radio, before movies and television curtailed imagination and defined grown-up tastes.
28. Pambahay. Home is where one can let it all hang out, where clothes do not make a man or woman but rather define their level of comfort.
29. Tricycle and trisikad, the poor Pinoy's taxicab that delivers you at your doorstep for as little as PHPesos3.00, with a complimentary dusting of polluted air.
30. Dirty ice cream. Very Pinoy flavors that make up for the risk: munggo, langka, ube, mais, keso, macapuno. Plus there's the colorful cart that recalls jeepney art.
31. Yayas. The trusted Filipino nanny who, ironically, has become a major Philippine export as overseas contract workers. A good one is almost like a surrogate parent--if you don't mind the accent and the predilection for afternoon soap and movie stars.
32. Sarsi. Pinoy rootbeer, the enduring taste of childhood. Our grandfathers had them with an egg beaten in.
33. Pinoy fruits. Atis, guyabano, chesa, mabolo, lanzones, durian, langka, makopa, dalanghita, siniguelas, suha, chico, papaya, singkamas--the possibilities!
34. Filipino celebrities. Movie stars, broadcasters, beauty queens, public officials, all-around controversial figures: Aurora Pijuan, Cardinal Sin, Carlos P. Romulo, Charito Solis, Cory Aquino, Emilio Aguinaldo, the Eraserheads, Fidel V. Ramos, Francis Magalona, Gloria Diaz, Manuel L. Quezon, Margie Moran, Melanie Marquez, Ninoy Aquino, Nora Aunor, Pitoy Moreno, Ramon Magsysay, Richard Gomez, San Lorenzo Ruiz, Sharon Cuneta, Gemma Cruz, Erap, Tiya Dely, Mel and Jay, Gary V.
35. World class Pinoys who put us on the global map: Lea Salonga, Paeng Nepomuceno, Eugene Torre, Luisito Espinosa, Lydia de Vega-Mercado, Jocelyn Enriquez, Elma Muros, Onyok Velasco, Efren "Bata" Reyes, Lilia Calderon-Clemente, Loida Nicolas-Lewis, Josie Natori.
36. Pinoy tastes. A dietitian's nightmare: too sweet, too salty, too fatty, as in burong talangka, itlog na maalat, crab fat (aligue), bokayo, kutchinta, sapin-sapin, halo-halo, pastilyas, palitaw, pulburon, longganisa, tuyo, ensaymada, ube haleya, sweetened macapuno and garbanzos. Remember, we're the guys who put sugar (horrors) in our spaghetti sauce. Yum!
37. The sights. Banaue Rice Terraces, Boracay, Bohol's Chocolate Hills, Corregidor Island, Fort Santiago, the Hundred Islands, the Las Pi?s Bamboo Organ, Rizal Park, Mt. Banahaw, Mayon Volcano, Taal Volcano. A land of contrasts and ever-changing landscapes.
38. Gayuma, agimat and anting-anting. Love potions and amulets. How the socially-disadvantaged Pinoy copes.
39. Barangay Ginebra, Jaworski, PBA, MBA and basketball. How the verticaly-challenged Pinoy compensates, via a national sports obsession that reduces fans to tears and fistfights.
40. People Power at EDSA. When everyone became a hero and changed Philippine history overnight.
41. San Miguel Beer and pulutan. "Isa pa nga!" and the Philippines' most popular, world-renowned beer goes well with peanuts, corniks, tapa, chicharon, usa, barbecue, sisig, and all manner of spicy, crunchy and cholesterol-rich chasers.
42. Resiliency. We've survived 400 years of Spanish rule, the US bases, Marcos, the 1990 earthquake, lahar, lambada, Robin Padilla, and Tamagochi. We'll survive Erap.
43. Yoyo. Truly Filipino in origin, this hunting tool, weapon, toy and merchandising vehicle remains the best way to "walk the dog" and "rock the baby," using just a piece of string.
44. Pinoy games: Pabitin, palosebo, basagan ng palayok. A few basic rules make individual cunning and persistence a premium, and guarantee a good time for all.
45. Ninoy Aquino. For saying that "the Filipino is worth dying for,'' and proving it.
46. Balagtasan. The verbal joust that brings out rhyme, reason and passion on a public stage.
47. Tabo. All-powerful, ever-useful, hygienically-triumphant device to scoop water out of a bucket _ and help the true Pinoy answer nature's call. Helps maintain our famously stringent toilet habits.
48. Pandesal. Despite its shrinking size, still a good buy. Goes well with any filling, best when hot.
49. Jollibee. Truly Pinoy in taste and sensibility, and a corporate icon that we can be quite proud of. Do you know that it's invaded the Middle East, as well?
50. The butanding, the dolphins and other creatures in our blessed waters. They're Pinoys, too, and they're here to stay. Now if some folks would just stop turning them into daing.
51. Pakikisama. It's what makes people stay longer at parties, have another drink, join pals in sickness and health. You can get dead drunk and still make it home.
52. Sing-a-long. Filipinos love to sing, and thank God a lot of us do it well!
53. Kayumanggi. Neither pale nor dark, our skin tone is beautifully healthy, the color of a rich earth or a mahogany tree growing towards the sun.
54. Handwoven cloth and native weaves. Colorful, environment-friendly alternatives to polyester that feature skillful workmanship and a rich indigenous culture behind every thread. From the pinukpok of the north to the malong of the south, it's the fiber of who we are.
55. Movies. Still the cheapest form of entertainment, especially if you watch the same movie several times.
56. Bahala na. We cope with uncertainty by embracing it, and are thus enabled to play life by ear.
57. Papaitan. An offal stew flavored with bile, admittedly an acquired taste, but pointing to our national ability to acquire a taste for almost anything.
58. English. Whether carabao or Arr-neoww-accented, it doubles our chances in the global marketplace.
59. The Press. Irresponsible, sensational, often inaccurate, but still the liveliest in Asia. Otherwise, we'd all be glued to TV.
60. Divisoria. Smelly, crowded, a pickpocket's paradise, but you can get anything here, often at rock-bottom prices. The sensory overload is a bonus.
61. Barong Tagalog. Enables men to look formal and dignified without having to strangle themselves with a necktie. Worn well, it makes any ordinary Juan look marvelously makisig.
62. Filipinas. They make the best friends, lovers, wives. Too bad they can't say the same for Filipinos.
63. Filipinos. So maybe they're bolero and macho with an occasional streak of generic infidelity; they do know how to make a woman feel like one.
64. Catholicism. What fun would sin be without guilt? Jesus Christ is firmly planted on Philippine soil.
65. Dolphy. Our favorite, ultra-durable comedian gives the beleaguered Pinoy everyman an odd dignity, even in drag.
66. Style. Something we often prefer over substance. But every Filipino claims it as a birthright.
67. Bad taste. Clear plastic covers on the vinyl-upholstered sofa, posters of poker-playing dogs masquerading as art, overaccessorized jeepneys and altars--the list is endless, and wealth only seems to magnify it.
68. Mangoes. Crisp and tart, or lusciously ripe, they evoke memories of family outings and endless sunshine in a heart-shaped package.Mangoes. Crisp and tart, or lusciously ripe, they evoke memories of family outings and endless sunshine in a heart-shaped package.
69. Unbridled optimism. Why we rank so low on the suicide scale.
70. Street food: Barbecue, lugaw, banana-cue, fishballs, IUD (chicken entrails), adidas (chicken feet), warm taho. Forget hepatitis; here's cheap, tasty food with gritty ambience.
71. The siesta. Snoozing in the middle of the day is smart, not lazy.
72. Honorifics and courteous titles: Kuya, ate, diko, ditse, ineng, totoy, Ingkong, Aling, Mang, etc. No exact English translation, but these words connote respect, deference and the value placed on kinship.
73. Heroes and people who stood up for truth and freedom. Lapu-lapu started it all, and other heroes and revolutionaries followed: Diego Silang, Macario Sakay, Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Apolinario Mabini, Melchora Aquino, Gregorio del Pilar, Gabriela Silang, Miguel Malvar, Francisco Balagtas, Juan Luna, Marcelo H. del Pilar, Panday Pira, Emilio Jacinto, Raha Suliman, Antonio Luna, Gomburza, Emilio Aguinaldo, the heroes of Bataan and Corregidor, Pepe Diokno, Satur Ocampo, Dean Armando Malay, Evelio Javier, Ninoy Aquino, Lola Rosa and other comfort women who spoke up, honest cabbie Emilio Advincula, Rona Mahilum, the women lawyers who didn't let Jalosjos get away with rape.
74. Flora and fauna. The sea cow (dugong), the tarsier, calamian deer, bearcat, Philippine eagle, sampaguita, ilang-ilang, camia, pandan, the creatures that make our archipelago unique.
75. Pilipino songs, OPM and composers: "Ama Namin," "Lupang Hinirang," "Gaano Ko Ikaw Kamahal," "Ngayon at Kailanman," "Anak," "Handog,""Hindi Kita Malilimutan," "Ang Pasko ay Sumapit"; Ryan Cayabyab, George Canseco, Restie Umali, Levi Celerio, Manuel Francisco, Freddie Aguilar, and Florante--living examples of our musical gift.
76. Metro Aides. They started out as Imelda Marcos' groupies, but have gallantly proven their worth. Against all odds, they continuously prove that cleanliness is next to godliness--especially now that those darned candidates' posters have to be scraped off the face of Manila!
77. Sari-sari store. There's one in every corner, offering everything from bananas and floor wax to Band-Aid and bakya.
78. Philippine National Red Cross. PAWS. Caritas. Fund drives. They help us help each other.
79. Favorite TV shows through the years: "Tawag ng Tanghalan," "John and Marsha," "Champoy," "Ryan, Ryan Musikahan," "Kuwarta o Kahon," "Public Forum/Lives," "Student Canteen," "Eat Bulaga." In the age of inane variety shows, they have redeemed Philippine television.
80. Quirks of language that can drive crazy any tourist listening in: "Bababa ba?" "Bababa!"
81. "Sayang!" "Naman!" "Kadiri!" "Ano ba!?" "pala." Expressions that defy translation but wring out feelings genuinely Pinoy.
82. Cockfighting. Filipino men love it more than their wives (sometimes).
83. Dr. Jose Rizal. A category in himself. Hero, medicine man, genius, athlete, sculptor, fictionist, poet, essayist, husband, lover, samaritan, martyr. Truly someone to emulate and be proud of, anytime, anywhere.
84. Nora Aunor. Short, dark and homely-looking, she redefined our rigid concept of how leading ladies should look.
85. Noranian or Vilmanian. Defines the friendly rivalry between Ate Guy Aunor and Ate Vi Santos and for many years, the only way to be for many Filipino fans.
86. Filipino Christmas. The world's longest holiday season. A perfect excuse to mix our love for feasting, gift-giving and music and wrap it up with a touch of religion.
87. Relatives and kababayan abroad. The best refuge against loneliness, discrimination and confusion in a foreign place. Distant relatives and fellow Pinoys readily roll out the welcome mat even on the basis of a phone introduction or referral.
88. Festivals: Sinulog, Ati-atihan, Moriones. Sounds, colors, pagan frenzy and Christian overtones.
89. Folk dances. Tinikling, pandanggo sa ilaw, kari?sa, kuratsa, itik-itik, alitaptap, rigodon. All the right moves and a distinct rhythm.
90. Native wear and costumes. Baro't saya, tapis, terno, saya, salakot, bakya. Lovely form and ingenious function in the way we dress.
91. Sunday family gatherings. Or, close family ties that never get severed. You don't have to win the lotto or be a president to have 10,000 relatives. Everyone's family tree extends all over the archipelago, and it's at its best in times of crisis; notice how food, hostesses, money, and moral support materialize during a wake?
92. Calesa and karitela. The colorful and leisurely way to negotiate narrow streets when loaded down with a year's provisions.
93. Quality of life. Where else can an ordinary employee afford a stay-in helper, a yaya, unlimited movies, eat-all-you-can buffets, the latest fashion (Baclaran nga lang), even Viagra in the black market?
94. All Saints' Day. In honoring our dead, we also prove that we know how to live.
95. Handicrafts. Shellcraft, rattancraft, abaca novelties, woodcarvings, banig placemats and bags, bamboo windchimes, etc. Portable memories of home. Hindi lang pang-turista, pang-balikbayan pa!
96. Pinoy greens. Sitaw. Okra. Ampalaya. Gabi. Munggo. Dahon ng Sili. Kangkong. Luya. Talong. Sigarillas. Bataw. Patani. Lutong bahay will never be the same without them.
97. OCWs. The lengths (and miles) we'd go for a better life for our family, as proven by these modern-day heroes of the economy.
98. The Filipino artist. From Luna's magnificent "Spoliarium" and Amorsolo's sun-kissed ricefields, to Ang Kiukok's jarring abstractions and Borlongan's haunting ghosts, and everybody else in between. Hang a Filipino painting on your wall, and you're hanging one of Asia's best.
99. Tagalog soap operas. From "Gulong ng Palad" and "Flor de Luna" to today's incarnations like "Mula sa Puso"--they're the story of our lives, and we feel strongly for them, MariMar notwithstanding.
100. Midnight madness, weekends sales, bangketas and baratillos. It's retail therapy at its best, with Filipinos braving traffic, crowds, and human deluge to find a bargain.

30 hidden Filipino expressions

1. "Mwah" means... "I love you"
2. "La lang" means..... "I miss you"
3. "Ok ka lang?" means... " ano ka hilo?!!"
4. "Hay nako!" means..... " seryoso ako"
5. "Ingat ka lagi" means... "I care for you"
6. "Musta na?" means... " sino'ng love mo?"
7. "Secret" means..... " ikaw"
8. "Ano'ng problema mo?" means... " hurt naman ako"
9. "Kayo pa rin ba?" means.... "ako naman"
10. "Chick boy ka pala eh!" means..... " ang kapal mo!!!"
11. "Grabe ha!!!" means... " selos ako"
12. "Saan?" means..... " sama ako!"
13. "Inaantok na ako" means..... "wala kang kwentang kausap"
14. "May gagawin pa ako eh" means..... "maghanap ka ng kausap mo"
15. "Bakit naman?" means..... "alam mo namang ikaw lang"
16. "Nakakaaliw ka" means..... " ang cute mo "
17. "Ewan" means..... " oo "
18. "Ganon?" means... "kapal mo!!"
19. "Eh kasi" means... " nahihiya ako"
20. "Talaga lang ha?" means... "naku, bola!!"
21. "Basta" means... "magtanong ka pa"
22. "Busy ka?" means... " kausapin mo naman ako "
23. "Pwede ba" means... " mas cute naman ako sa kanya"
24. "May kasabay ka?" means..... "nood tayo ng sine & kain sa labas"
25. "Miss' nahulog" means..... "anong number mo?"
26. "Magwiwithdraw pa ako" means... "ikaw muna!!"
27. "May barya ka sa 100?" means..... "pautang muna, sa sweldo na kita babayaran"
28. "Kawawa ka naman" means... "Buti nga...sabi ko sayo eh!"
29. "Susunod ako" means... "umalis ka na! Ang kulit mo eh"
30. "Thank you sa gift ha" means..."Ang cheap mo naman"

Of Angels and Demons

A confused alumni from my high school once posted in our group e-mail:

hi! a book called angels and demons and the da vinci code by dan brown made me think about our religion..but dont get me wrong..though more of it are facts..i still have faith but just a question kept bothering me..why is it that immaculate conception is dec 8 and then christmas is dec25? i dont have the answer since this makes it that mother mary carried our lord jesus in her womb for more than a year? so this complicates things..making the authors claims as probable facts..pls help me up..

After reading what he wrote, I honestly think he made quite some sense on what he said...
Well, that is until I read the reply from another schoolmate:

Normally, I would not answer these type of questions, but I could see in the way you asked that you are really confused and bothered. Secondly I am not an authority on theology. But I'ld like to share my 2 cents worth anyway.

"When it comes to your faith, do not over-analyze. You simply believe."

First, you'll never see Dec 8 and Dec 25 in the Bible. These dates are just arbitrary dates chosen by Church authorities. So don't put too much meaning to the dates. Christmas could have been any date of the year. It just happened Dec 25 was chosen. So is Dec 8. Just because the people who choosed those dates didn't know how to count the months for conceiving a child, doesn't mean that that you stop believing in Jesus being the child of the Virgin Mary. Do you? So what if the dates are wrong.

The books that you've mentioned make for fascinating reading because they make you think and question your beliefs. Nothing wrong with that. Books like them present facts (whether verified or not) and half-truths as absolute, irreputable truths. They'll try to confuse you with contradictions. It's like a defense lawyer who although convinced of his client guilt still presents even the smallest evidences that contradict the prosecution. At the same time the defense will also refrain and block any incriminating evidences from being presented. Through selective presentation of evidences, the defense can cast doubt in the jury's minds. And when there is doubt, you know what could happen. You have to learn to read some books just for their entertainment value. Nothing more. When it comes to your faith, do not over-analyze. You simply believe. I guess that's what FAITH is about.

I am proud of where I have gone. Of the people I meet everyday and the ideas I get from them. Through them I find answers to some of my questions... which, oftentimes, reaffirms my FAITH in HIM.

May GOD bless each and everyone of us!

No Right

We know that 80% of the town of Meulabohin Aceh was destroyed by the Tsunami waves and 80% of the people also died. This is one of the towns that was hit the hardest. But there is a fantastic testimony from Meulaboh. In that town are about 400 Christians.

They wanted to celebrate Christmas on December 25th but were not allowed to do so by the Muslims of Meulaboh. They were told if they wanted to celebrate Christmas they needed to go outside the city of Meulabohona high hill and there celebrate Christmas.

Because the Christians desired to celebrate Christmas the 400 believers left the city on December 25th and after they celebrated Christmas they stayed overnight on the hill.

As we all know the morning of December 26 there was the earthquake followed by the Tsunami waves destroying most of the city of Meulabohand thousands were killed. The 400 believers were on the mountain and were all saved from destruction.

"...as believers we have no rights in the world."

Now the Muslims of Meulaboh are saying that the God of the Christians punished us for forbidding the Christians from celebrating Christmas in the city. Others are questioning why so many Muslims died while not even one of the Christians died there.

Had the Christians insisted on their rights to celebrate Christmas in the city, they would have all died. But because they humbled themselves and followed the advice of the Muslims they all were spared destruction and can now testify of God's marvelous protection.

This is a testimony of the grace of God and the fact that as believers we have no rights in the world. Our right is come before God and commit our lives to Him. Our right is kneeling down before the Lord almighty and commit our ways to Him. He is our Father and is very capable to care for His children. Praise the Name of the Lord.

Bill Hekman
Pastor Calvary Life Fellowship in Indonesia.

Little Johnny

A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” . She calls on little Johnny.He replies, “None, they all fly away with the first gun shot.” The teacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.” Then Little Johnny says, “I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?” The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, “Well I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”

To which Little Johnny replied, “The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.”

Math Class

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. “Why?” asks the father. “The teacher asked, ‘How much is 2x3?’ I said ‘6’” “But that’s right!” “Then she asked me ‘How much is 3x2?’” “What’s the fucking difference?” asks the father.

“That’s what I said!”


English

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?” Little Johnny waves his hand, “Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!” Miss Rogers: “All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?” Little Johnny says, “Mas-tur-bate.”
Miss Rogers smiles and says, “Wow, little Johnny, that’s a mouthful.”

Little Johnny says, “No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking
of a blowjob.”

Grammar

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled
out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!” The teacher replied, “Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word
to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’ Please use the word ‘urinate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.” Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, “You’re an
eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten!!!”

Beautiful

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could
use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with,
“My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. “My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,” he said.
“Excellent, Michael!”
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny!

"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, ‘Beautiful, ......just fucking beautiful!’